Faith

I questioned myself about faith today?

Why do people have faith ? do they wish for a sense of belonging? or do they just follow blindly or did it help them? I haven't really decide who I want to believe, it may be a selfish act. I want to get out of this situation and ponder about my faith today. Life may not be a bed of roses but somehow I knew where I am getting at. There are people who love to hurt other. I have been hurt but I had not walked out of the scar. Detest is a word to describe how some people love to hurt me. Even though Somehow they are "consider" a  part of a unrelated blood tie family. From today onward, I am going to protect myself from this. I have grown to be a stronger person and I believe God wanted to pass me a message in life. And it it not to listen to this unwanted speech coming out of people mouth.

I pity them to live such unfulfilling life tormenting people with their callous words. I wonder what kind of upbringing do they have. They are not enjoying their life and a part of them is sadistic.  May God bless them to wake up to reality, to contribute more to community service rather being a selfish personnel. What goes around come around.

Do you love the man but not the package?

This a question I had asked myself countless times. 

Do you love the man but not the package? 

It sound weird but if you ponder on this, marriage is a union between 2 willing parties. Being married 2 and half years really widen my horizon, make me grow up faster then expected. I have a lovely partner but an ugly " package" that come with it. Somehow I detest this kind of hypocrites. Do we have to pretend to "smile" with the so-called family that can hurt you and at the other end "pretend" nothing happened. It truly make me think twice to be associate with them. It was just disappointment to the heart. I can't really pretend nothing happened, my heart still bleed a little here and there. Although it is always good to forgive and forget but I think it just takes a longer time for me. Now, I just hope to make my stand clear. And my partner too bad for him. Filial piety is good but overdose only ended up hurting the person u love. 

I am just hope people can leave us in peace. 

God blessed! 

Breathing is a form of happiness

I am breathing freely now... It may sound really uninteresting or a simple task one can do/

It takes a big revolution to be able to breathe freely. Can you imagine how much struggle I had put up?

To be labeled as a sinner for life, it is totally worth it. I feel so much like a human being. Many years ago, I was still a immature naive person. Many years later, I grew a little wiser, learn to take my stand and avoid conflict more often. Life itself had no answer, it is always filled with ambiguity and changes.

2014 is a year I am trying to adapt and living life to my fullest. A pity one of my favorite personality had gone on 17 Feb, Mr. PP I wish you eternal happiness. Hope we do meet one day....perhaps in heaven? I thanks you for the wonderful years we had spent together and I do cherish every meals we had. Thanks God, I had never regret a moment knowing you as a fatherly figure. PP alwas miss ya....

A selfish in-laws family. ....

Sometimes, I can't believe how my in-laws deal with certain problem, it was as if they are trying to wash their hand off. Had a major fight with my husband but all he can say is he will try to ask them ( so far I never see him doing it). I feel truly disappointed, I already tried my best to stay with his grandparents but I truly can't their unhygienic bathroom bad habits, their nonsense when talking shit, their stupid lies, their money minded mentality. Go f*** off. It was as if I am staying under somebody's house which I had no control over my own kitchen ( 80% of the stuffs belong to grandparent).

* I have no control of my house door, they like to open it always as if they still stay in the kampung era welcoming all the strangers.
* I have no control over my speech given that they keep asking me y don't work 9am to 5pm just because they don't understand my job nature and give me crap suggestions x hundred times.
* I can't even go home late without someone asking me y r u home late? WTF
* I can't even stop all the ppl coming into their house like as if my house is an old folk home
* and the ugly toilet which they can use until the toilet bowl cover become yellow within 2 years of staying here.... shit stain, n their not flushing the toilet habit disgusted me. The worst had to be few days ago using the water from toilet bowl to clean the floor. This is so dirty.
* and feeding countless birds on the windows every morning ( then the bird start coming to my kitchen windows)
* and leaving bits of biscuit crumbs here and there, attracting all the ants n bugs
* and doing shit gardening outside my house as if the house belong to him
* and trying to install hook here and there (ugly hooks with different shapes and size)
* and having a few pails of water for flushing toilet. The water smelled after washing dirty clothes and they can put there for days... almost vomit
* and cooking and dipping ugly sauce on the kitchen cabinet without bothering to clean up . WTF
* and their beloved daughters which none is so much willing to house them.... filial piety is so irony
* and purposely putting remarks on facebook ...immature
* and petty ( ppl treat them good they return with anger like as if we are in the wrong)



There is practically no calm and peace for me , a little breathing space and I have to endure all the nonsense he did to his bedroom ( all the ugly hanging and vibrant color of stupid paint)

A crazy week

It was almost nearing the end of the year and things still remain the same. I am of course with staying with his grandparent but we are kind of having a crazy cold war. I find it silly and immature but  I am not in my position to discuss. Had a heart-to-heart talk with mum, it was the second time we had dinner together this year. It warmed up my heart knowing that out in this world there is still someone my mum and brother who cares for me. I couldn't say much except I wanted to thank god they are my family, always so supportive with my decision. Life always have crossroads and we always have the tenancy to take a wrong path.

A wrong path doesn't mean you have failed, it just tell you to pick up the pieces and carry on. Life is there for you. I almost wallop in self-pity today but come to think of this, why should we make our life so miserable always thinking for other. Enough is enough I feel that I need to stand up for my life. I don't want to live a life for other.  What do those people know? as usual selfishness take center stage. It is a tough battle to fight on....

The self-centreness of human

I finally realized no matter how human are cultivated to be refine, selfless, they are always self centered in certain aspect. Looking from my perspectives, the past weeks had been quite disheartening.

Seeing how people talk to me , treat me, it just made me a stronger person. This is a character I hope to conceal but unfortunately people seem to dig it out again. I am quite hurt by what his grandparents said to me the other day, saying my husband buy a house for them because they were homeless not because he wanted to be with me. Being grandchildren, we are sandwiched. When would we ever get to stay in our "home", just two of us , carefree and happy. No one understand how I feel. All I can say I live everyday now for myself more then anyone. I used to spare a thought for others but somehow I was not appreciated. They took me for granted and takes it as if their "parents" staying in our house was compulsory. Do they not realise they are torturing me ......F**K

Hey Summer ...

Hey Summer,

How are you? It had been a nerve-wrecking week for me. Despite life had it ups and downs, I feel depression is coming after me. Staying with grandparents is never easy, although both side compromise and try to give and take. Simple things e.g. gardening can stir up a issue in the house. I wouldn't say when i promised him years ago to take in his grandparents is regretful  but sad to say it is tormenting my cell days by days. The challenging parts are mainly a clash of culture, lifestyle and thoughts. I can't say it out knowing it will create another thunderstorm and for me it is not easy staying with someone else.

I actually feel a sense of inner peace with solitude, I fell in love with solitude sometime. It just let me breathes knowing somehow solitude hurt others. I used to be this selfish person that I changed over time to let my partner breathes but somehow things can't work out on it way. What can I do? Sometimes, I feel like giving up and just ignore things I can't tolerate. I am simply hope to escape the place i call our home....