Happy ever after or fairytale?

Was thinking about something. Sometime, I looked and reflect why dearie love me in the past? He probably look past my flaws to love wholeheartedly. Seeing more perspective and being hurt once. learning to forgive and forget. Being love and to love someone. What's life driving me at? Many friends around me are getting married, producing babies. Standing here in my life, marriage is not on my cards.

I don't wish to harbour any dreams since we get back together and hope our trip will enjoyable one. Marriage to me is a uncertainty. Seeing my parents end up in divorce make me feel disheartened. Do I still wish to live with him forever? It is not because he is not good, it is not because he doesnt love me enough. It is just that we are not ready yet.

I used to think he is the one but one day I woke up knowing my prince had not come for me. I wasn't disappointed, I am just afraid. I am scared of waking up at 30 years old knowing the few years I had spent had turn to naught. I am afraid at 30, people will question me why did u screw up your r/ship? Marriage is not a game, don't ever get married for the sake of marrying. Marry someone you love and he love you is important, ya indeed r/ship had weathered storm and at some moment of time, you will ask where am I going?

When someone share with me today her marriage had also hit the rock before , almost giving up till they realised and manage to save this marriage. This made me view it so differently. Since the last time dear told me he no longer love me anymore......I seem to change. The world which I view so naively and simple was more complicated than before. People can actually stay together for the sake of companionship, it doesn't mean he doesn't love u , it is just another form of love. Human made thing complex. The simplest things in life is to make complicated thing simple. I lament at the rush, do I want to marry him,i guess I am just afraid.


Who am I actually? Who is a saint?


reis.....love myself only.