Missing a piece of my life?

I have been wondering and expecting too much recently. Being confused at myself, the pace of my life and work, I seem to lost my direction. Work and roadshow have been exhausting . I have been afraid to move on and I want to have a future with him. Sometime, he seem to take it at a slower pace than I imagine. Prehaps I have forgot that the intial build up of my expectation caused my r/ship to fail in the past.

I seriously feel tired in my life, I want to move on to the next level but somehow there is nothing that is pushing how things are going. so, I am now standing in the start point trying to figure out did I really love him or should I let him go. I understand his thought in trying to finish up his studies and settle his career before we can really talk about marriage. Somehow I feel tired having to do the daily chore, bearing the heavy burden of shifting here and there. No one understand how I feel. I received a jeer and sneer from people on my tough work. But seriously, what do they know about the joy that come with work? I get to mingle with new people, have the freedom to roam around to different part of singapore.

My lover is a kind person and I am grateful that leo accompanied me last night at the stadium depsite his tiredness. Have a road show at the stadium and I was really busy before I realised it was already 8 plus and he bought me dinner. Our is a love-hate r/ship. I love him but I hate him too. It was really very hard to seek a balance. My bleak outlook once again made me hide in my cave.