feeling ...defeated for once .

MR test 27th april 06 , DONE
Er Test 2nd may 06 , time : 2.15pm to 4.30pm
HMT test 5th may 06 , time : 10-1.15pm
06th may 2006 - brandon's arrival at Sg , time . 11.30pm ?
PM test 8th may 06 , time : 10-1.15pm - revised chp 1 to 8 , left past qn unattempted

"i knew i am tired , tired of lifestyle , tired of stress , tired of the roles and identities i played . why ? "

i dun understand what really consitutes living up to people's expectations , life is really like a drama and we live under a concealment. i guess i made some blunder in my MR test , especilally question 2 , i was rushing like mad on last 5 mins but i did manage to finish . no time to go through what i wrote and double check , really feel like strangling myself . what's the heck am i doing ? and probably question 2 , i misinterpret the qn ... nvm i guess i just have to gambatte for the rest of exams . i feel like jamming out with my friends again , i miss them . Life was freaking irritating , i guess i just need some re-assurances. Some things i really have to settled is study loan , looking a job for my holiday and presumely some mundane things . i wish i had more than 24hours ... guess i am addicted to caffine again . my caffine addiction had increase that i probably insomia again . feel like shouting or screaming.

reiS...:<

GambatteZ

how far have i progressed?


finally one month with leonard had passed , how to say , i am glad , have just introduced him to my mum .... and feedback was well-received cos she said " tall and his smile is nice ." today done revision for marketing and acc him to see doctor , he fell sick , the medication was enough to tired him out . Nevertheless i feel i wanna to take care of him though in the midest of exam schedule , created a mini movie of us and shown him today ... did i saw some redness in the eyes ? but i am glad he appreciate and my dearie happened to share same sentiment with me , we actually create a same pressie for our lst month together , and share idea just his and mine is differ style .... a mini flash.swf ? i presumed he added in my singing of "flyaway" into the movie background.. cos anticipating to see the it tml , he refused to let me glimpse , so selfish . Now , i only wished to create our memories . Sunday was memorable , went to 3 places -- labraobor park+ mount faber + east coast park ... we decided east cost park will be our favorites cos it is really relaxing and wonderful over there ... did i heard him agreeing to acc me to east cost park again after my exam ...hee ... so happy :> life is really great with someone u cherish and love , for once i realised that i wanna to treasure him and not to disappointed Leon :P hee . got ai xin honey drink hee from dearie this morning ...omg ..simply adore him

studying had been damm stressed , been staying at home studying , i wanna to do mybest and to CIN , u also must gambatte !!!

" that smile was enough to make my days , that concern was my sheer of happiness for this lifetime "

claries :P

April sky ceased to it existence
a glare at it provoke my nativeness
as if to smirk at me
protraying its's haugtiness

has the mocking bird bypass me without any judgement ?
or was it a death sentence
the preview of the soul haunts me

realization led to fears
the 'unknown " never appear
is that life?

glad that he makes my day :>

pm - revised chp 1to 8 done , left past years qn to be attempted
hmt - chp1 -4 , done ?
mR - planned to be revised on 24-26th april - 12chpts to revised
Er - done for chp 1-9 , left textbook haven finish reading

spend a wonderful day at leo's house , cos he allows me to do whatever i want , i simply thank him for making my day . Have a small ktv session at his house , and he recorded my singing , omg and to think we both sing and become very stiff ... probably due to shyness ? haha , sometimes the way leonard do things for me , i really feels he make an effort to do it to relieve myself off stress , to make me happier .Especially today i never felt a man could be so serious toward a person unless he never loved her . in a relationship , i dun want to take the other person for granted again and i smell "vinegar" when he kept asking about zep ? zep recently asked me to go out for dinner .... and i declined . maybe it is time for me to undo the other person's insecurity , to give promises and commitment to him . Sometime i really , some ppl really cherish someone they love cos they realised they will only be able to do it for this lifetime .
Recently , haven been myself cos i keep sorting out my thoughts ... about family , about r/ship , about choices? but utimately life still proceed and we bear the consequences for the decision we make. i seriously wanna to cherish him . Thank god for bringin him to me . out of the blues , feel like accompanying him to his grandparents house for dinner and i did finally , dunno y . probably time had prevails that this sincerity was there all along .

reis

abnormal ?

i wonders what had happens to me ? study halfway , and dunno ... then i keep dozing off and i would study in the wee hours of the morning , cos i fear i failed ? too many chapter to absorb and sometimes going out with dear ... dunno gal ... are u using your times efficiently ? no , so far i covered ER ( halfway of chp9 n textbook haven touch) , halfway to hmt ? and pm till chp 4 ? what am i doing ? left marketing untouched ... so sickening the exam and when is my mense coming ?



momoro

"You're the bird trapped in his cage. He wants to own you, but he's not treasuring you. He's keeping you by his side, but he's not cherishing time. It's as though he brings you out, parades to others and shows that you're his prized possession - but at home, he doesn't even remember your existence."