if you are happy , I am happy?

How many people had been there for you, only wanted you to be happy and they are happy?

There are many in my life, my family, my friends , my colleagues, my bs partners and everyone who known me at some point of my life. Thank you. I love you all.

I feel like a lucky girl. I felt that God had blessed me in a way that make my life smoother,better and me a happier person. I come to realise that a relationship take alot of hard works. How does it sound starting with someone new or starting with someone u are so familar? If life is never complicated, we won't get to know that life is so beautiful.

Have a really bad sorethroat this morning. Been feeling really noseblock and uncomfortable. Got a bad temper and vent it on my bro when he offered me some breakfast... feel bad about it. I had been easily pissed off by little things. Maybe I had that skyhigh expectation of what life to be.

Well, gotta work this weekend and at this scrotching hot weather can be an experience. I kind of feel thankful for the bunch of co-workers and nice ppl I had known to make work better.

I really hope to rest....

growing up

I seem to change. Imagine, throwing away tony leung and and my idol become who? I don't have a particular set of idols. Well, why do I love him and throw him away?

- It seems that his faithfulness , his soft-spoken attitude leave me with a tempting heart to idolize this actor.
I replaced my bad badtz maru with soemthing else now, I pasted my buddy's postcard over the card on bb maru's pencil holder. Am I changing?

Work had been almost the perfect opportunity for me and I see myself lurking nowhere, lost that tinge of passion and yerning for another opportunity. It seems my desire grew abit now.

Marriage is not on my card now, but I am still happy for everyone around me going to this stage of life. We are 24 but something just don't need the rush. what is the point of happy ever after and you are slapped with a divorce? do we call that mid-life crisis. Man and women just need more time. I saw this mature guy with a good fashion sense on the train yesterday after I sent my buddy off at the airport. Then, on the same day I went to this jap highschool and finally meet a long-lost fren who is so passionate as me on japanese stuff. I went gaga over his cute look. I kind of feel freed up that there are still a great bunch of amazing guys I haven't expore. Received a message from mr. S and realise how lucky i am to get miss by someone miles away and come back to date me? Me, 24 , single, hopelessly in love with my routine life and he is interested in me? Well, mr. S got a good calibre but but .... I am not in love with him. Had a chat with my buddy last night, he asked me to try out. that's if kinda crazy. But why should i be enclosed with myself with a man who used to treat me badly and broke my heart. I think mr. S is my self confidence booster . Am I changing into someone I don'y know but people say just embrace this change.

I am going back to my yoga regime, I am going to be more passionate about my job and I am changing my wardrode. I love it. I simply love the way I can change.

:> indeed i am happier in a string-free, fuss-free identity.

lovely reis. .... gambatte ima s,

A blessed life

well, I felt really relieved after getting the result back. Despite the hard hit on my head, there was fortunately no cracks. I survived a huge knock on my head and still alive. After going rounds and rounds, the food fair had make me really tired.I wish there were lesser responsibilities but it was definitely a challenge this time round. I wasn't that pessmestic like the last time despite changes and last minutes cropped up but our team of promoters still manage it really well. I am thankful I had a bunch of understanding co-workers who work like a great team. Fortunately LG was around this time round helping out with the setup and the cooking. I am grateful and happy I get to taste the best tuna egg omelette I ever had.

Last night, I was sleeping holding my fear with me. I am really deeply afraid that once I slept, I won't wake up. Despite this, when he said he will be there for me. I feel touched. When I feel I will die tomorrow, all I wanted to do is to call him. I want him by my side. Maybe selfish as I did I want him to be with me if i really collapsed. I am really afraid. When the floroscent light landed on me last night, I was in shocked. Despite this, I still continue to work professionally. God really give me a courage within me. When I was really alone in the cab, I begin to cry. I told myself I can't just die like this. I prayed that I will be fine.

Leo stayed with me throughout the night and till the following morning, he keep asking me how is my head. feel bad he had to take MC just to acc me to go for the xray and get the result. Recently, i was quite touched that he actually come all the way to Expo to see me. I got an amazing dinner cooked by him. Touched but still afraid to proceed. Afraid that being in a relationship with him will lead to nowhere?

It had been a whirlwind romance for us. Neither of us want to take a step further. Thinking and reflecting, He told me I got a really bad temper which he chose to leave me. I dont know how does he see me as ? I am as confused as anyone. I am afraid of being hurt.

should we give ourselves a deadline to see if we can proceed , if not the same old problem will come again. it is really hard to compromise. I am tying myself to the relationship, why?

reis?

stubborn?

I wish I wasn't so stubborn by nature.

After all the messiness, the meaningless life I had now.

I am stuck in a tricky situation. Part of me wanted to be with him so much, part of me don't wish anymore.

He and I are two different people in two different worlds. When he told me how "needy" and how much expectations I had of him. My heart feel so heavy. After one big round, we are still back to the square one, the problem. I am indeed a simple person who crave love too much in a way that overwhelm the one I loved. As much I wish to settle down, as much as I wish he would. Reality don't seem to be in this way. The third time If we were to be together, I wanted it to be bonding we would cherish, I want a happy ending?

Many friends , all my friends din give me the support I needed. I was in the worst confused state. All I know is they feel this stupidness is landing on me. I understand they wish to protect me in a way from the land of hurt. Being a irrational person in relstionship, I always so often trust my feeling. My feeling of insecurity grew if I am with him.

Last night we went on an offical date, it was a long date coupled with a view of Singapore Flyer overlooking kallang river. We were there together just looking and the talk come. We failed to reach any conclusion yet.

reis.....

He leave me a doubt

Decide to think twice about going back to him.

Somwhow or deep down feel happy with him but nonetheless knew he mmay hurt me again.

How many time does he promise me he will love me and how many times he doesnt cherish me ?

When I evaluate this, I don't know anymore.

Should i cut off this string and move on?

given a choice, I wish all this will not happened but how many times leonard stab my heart?