happier

I am happier today. Recently had been wonderful because somehow things change and he become better. After some communication and compromise, we had managed to reach an agreement on to-do and not to-do. I am really on the top of the world but still afraid of short-lived happiness. Pray hard to God and thank God for answering my prayer.

I should really cherish "us" now no matter what. After 3 years, We still loved each other.

I am finally a fish with happiness....... :> Gambatte!

A good day to begin with , a great colleague who bought me my lunch. Thank JW . She is a wonder-FU lady. just went to a colleague's wedding on sunday. Initially I am afraid to go because I really don't feel like looking at "beautiful"scene with a negative outlook. I just go ahead that day with dearie waking me and making me my breakfast cereal. Well, That day I got the intention and secretly hopes.. he will go with me. Due to unforeseen circumstances, he just can't.Anyway, at the moment seeing DH and her hubby exchanging their vow, there are an indescrible warmth, I was touched by their love. Simply I just know I love wedding. Anyway , hope they stay happily together with their little angel.

I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance A church filled with family and friends. I asked him what kind of wedding he wished for, He said one that would make me his wife.

Alone ?

Today was a busy day at work doing things or meddling with non-related work. But learning from people differently. Feel like busy for the sake of being busy. Time seems to flies so fast at a speed that I dunno. KS's last day today and well, there was the weird feeling that he can't bear to leave this place. I guess he is just touched by everyone's warmth toward him. I had really heavy lunch at pizzahut. Next went for dinner with his family at the famous amk "crab" place. That leave me another heavy meal...... can't digest.

Was feeling lonely. Not sure when does this feeling start but feel really weird about it. Somehow dwelling on last night, DL tell me no ppl is a saint. Problem is when dt told me something today, it made me shudder at the tot of it. of course time and again, we never think of consequences. Isn't that human? Dt had a talk with me and I was thinking more on the words she told me. I shall take it as an advice and be ready that one of the day will happen.

After all, I can't blame my choice. I can only blame myself.

Gambatte. Tml will be a better day.

Reis

Happy ever after or fairytale?

Was thinking about something. Sometime, I looked and reflect why dearie love me in the past? He probably look past my flaws to love wholeheartedly. Seeing more perspective and being hurt once. learning to forgive and forget. Being love and to love someone. What's life driving me at? Many friends around me are getting married, producing babies. Standing here in my life, marriage is not on my cards.

I don't wish to harbour any dreams since we get back together and hope our trip will enjoyable one. Marriage to me is a uncertainty. Seeing my parents end up in divorce make me feel disheartened. Do I still wish to live with him forever? It is not because he is not good, it is not because he doesnt love me enough. It is just that we are not ready yet.

I used to think he is the one but one day I woke up knowing my prince had not come for me. I wasn't disappointed, I am just afraid. I am scared of waking up at 30 years old knowing the few years I had spent had turn to naught. I am afraid at 30, people will question me why did u screw up your r/ship? Marriage is not a game, don't ever get married for the sake of marrying. Marry someone you love and he love you is important, ya indeed r/ship had weathered storm and at some moment of time, you will ask where am I going?

When someone share with me today her marriage had also hit the rock before , almost giving up till they realised and manage to save this marriage. This made me view it so differently. Since the last time dear told me he no longer love me anymore......I seem to change. The world which I view so naively and simple was more complicated than before. People can actually stay together for the sake of companionship, it doesn't mean he doesn't love u , it is just another form of love. Human made thing complex. The simplest things in life is to make complicated thing simple. I lament at the rush, do I want to marry him,i guess I am just afraid.


Who am I actually? Who is a saint?


reis.....love myself only.

Zoo day

Had a fun time with dearie at the zoo. Thanks to gary for the free tickets. Well, went on a double date with gary n his gf. Meet up in the afternoon and we took a cab to zoo. prior to that I had prepared my miniature sandwich + cold pasta(not cold enough). And Gary also made an extra set of sandwiches for us. Dear was joking all the time while we girls are entertained by them. The funny things is we were watching the seal showtimes "the splash" and we got splashed by the seal....luckily I just manged to hide behind him so I was "dry". Watch the sleepy lion , elephant, kangeroon, emu, and etc.... The best thing is I get to watch my fav 550g polar bear. So big size and heavy , 11 times of me. Well , we end the day with a big cuppa of ice tea but I was too thirsty to be saying it is just a "normal"tea. Gary's sandwiches was nice!!!! Okies, I shall let the photo do the talking.... :>

The Friday

Finally a friday and supposed to go out with a colleague but din in the end . Anyway, there are more peace for me then. He offered to acc me for dinner. I am rushing home after work because my beloved tiffy got no dinner. Henceforth, for him I rushed back to feed her. At that moment I feel happy. It seems like a simple task but that really show how much he trust me. I know it sound stupid. I had been lamenting the whole day with lp and finally I need to stop the flow and go with it. She had enlightened me. I was alone in the house and i started my tidying habit again. When he was back, he was surprised at what I had done. I am grateful today was a happier day. I saw him posting the post-it note on our board. Feel happy that he appreciate my little note.
Appreciation is still something I had been wanting to learn. As we progress, every choice we made is utimately something we had not regrets.

Read the book " Eat, Pray , Love" by E.Gilbert.


Gambatte reis!

riding with the wave

Before I started another emo topic. Let me analyse as lp told me to go with the wave,
Marriage as I thought used to be a plan, have ppl wonder what's next after marriage?
Living with the other half for half a century? and what's next to look forward.
I guess I haven't really grow up enough, I am still looking at this small small world with a magnifying glass. One day I shall throw it away and look at it clearly myself.

Looking forward to the weekend with leovie.

sometimes, it is a choice to be happy and a choice to be sad. Why not chose the happier side of life? Indeed, I still love my leo, I hope he too. I make the choice to cherish this r/ship despite the short lifespan it had. Cherish while you still have.

Reis, i love myself.

A short shelf life

I don't know how to begin this entry. Everything has a short shelf life, ironically the industry I am in is the same. It does applies to everything. Did I miss out the most important things in my life? People don't understand me.

My needs are not met. I just know myself. I thank someone for letting me to grow up in three years, to adapt new changes and widen my horizon. Infact eventually, it is learning to accept. Nothing is ever worth waiting anymore. Tired of being in the dark, tired of being unconscious,tired that nobody cares. Infact, I was just hopelessly insane.

Night, love myself .

Reis

An enjoyable day at work!!!

Feel really happy and enjoyable today with LG around. She make very nice pancakes for all of us during breakfast, baked beans with sunny side up sandwich for lunch and tuna egg sandwiches. It's very yummy and I had the 3rd serving of the pancake, one nice non-spicy specially made baked beans sandwiches. Spent alot of money at food fair. Work aside, I realised I don't know how to enjoy myself. Okay Ah reis, time to really treat myself better. Finally settle one event and offend one stupid auntie. Okie I just dislike auntie bargaining over the few cents worth and ask her if you want to buy than buy. She was totally irritated........Anyway ...... too tired to be smile whole day. My face cracks.

haha, well, Today damage at food fair

- 8 boxes of pocky $10
- 3 boxes of milk tea in different flavours $8

Funny side of it, meet a really good-looking taxi driver and surprisingly he looks so much younger than his age. Got alot of positive advice on r/ship from this uncle and he even gimme some advice on fortune telling. omg ...... whoop. Well, he really make my day better because it was quite enjoyable chatting with him. Ha ha, realise and learn some lesson from him. some life lesson. must really enjoy myself now:>

smile always heee

event knockout-
6 June sat event
13,14 AN event
more to come up...........

reis